A new category of dating has emerged across the county mid-life dating. Whether people have postponed marriage because of career or other reasons, or find themselves single again due to divorce, this is a new phenomenon in our society. As a result, todays mid-life daters are forging new territory without much information or support to help along the path.
Dating at any age can be very stressful. From my experience, I have found that regardless of anyone's actual age, when dating you always feel 16. The excitement is double-edged, both thrilling and anxiety producing, because there are so many unknowns. Youll find yourself wondering things like:
- Does he like me?
- Will he call me?
- When will I see her again?
Here are five methods I share with my clients to help them stay balanced while dating. Each one is an invaluable tool for taking care of yourself and minimizing the emotional stress of courtship:
1) Dont cancel plans to make yourself available for your new date.
Theres no real rush. Its so important to respect your own schedule and commitments to insure your new friend will do the same. If you cancel appointments, what message are you sending about how you value your own activities? Simply admit youre not available and then suggest another time. Youll benefit from the results of honoring your own schedule, since youre more desirable when in demand socially!
2) Distract yourself in between calls and dates.
You had a life before you met the guy. Keep it alive and stay involved. One of the best cures for the anxiety of waiting for him to call is to be busy. Create enjoyable distractions for yourself to minimize the time you spend worrying. With time on your hands, you might allow your mind to wander and think up stories about why he hasnt called, etc. To avoid torturing yourself or making impulsive mistakes, maintain an active life.
3) Preserve your friendships.
It can be very tempting to collapse your life and focus only on your new relationship. But, the truth is no one likes a fair-weather friend who is only available when single and then disappears the minute a romantic interest enters the picture. Your friends are an important support system and stick by you through thick and thin. Honor these relationships because you will need them again and will miss them in the long run if you dont.
4) Carve out time just for you.
There is a lot to process at the beginning of a new relationship. Give yourself some space and time to simply relax and unwind. Whether you take a bath, exercise, journal or meditate, the options are endless, but so important for your overall well-being.
5) Remind yourself that the world is an abundant place.
If it turns out Mr./Ms. Now isnt Mr./Ms. Right, youll meet someone else. Adopting this belief system allows you to let go of a partner who isnt right for you, even if s/hes a great person. The stress of dating the wrong person can be very intense. When things dont go well, remember, there are plenty more fish in the sea. The dating ocean, today more than ever, is chockfull of good catches, so you can always cast your line again if things dont work out.
When you're actively looking for love, youre making yourself emotionally vulnerable. Thats why the need for self-care becomes heightened. By striving for balance, youll be calmer and better equipped to navigate the sometimes rocky terrain on the road to finding love.
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