In recent articles on relationships, their challenges and their triumphs I have discussed how one's one personal history of trauma: 1. Reduces one's self esteem, self worth, self confidence. 2. Impairs one's ability to be open, honest and relaxed with their partner. 3. Leads to a relationship based on neediness and codependence. 4. Blocks real intimacy from developing naturally. 5. Creates misperceptions of the other's behavior that then leads to unnecessary conflict which undermines the relationship further. One thing that I havent mentioned, and which is the point of this article is that trauma "shuts down the heart" of an individual. What do I mean by this? Well I mean that it: 1. Impairs one's ability to trust others. 2. Blocks your ability to feel peace, calm, joyful and relaxed. 3. It impairs one's ability to feel and express Love genuinely. Although all of the above are necessary for a strong relationship the last, I'm sure will ring a loud bell of warning. I'm sure you'll recognize, when ever you feel love for something, that it is felt most strongly over your heart. That is because that is where it originates from. When an individual experiences and/or carries trauma the heart begins to feel a deep sadness. In many cases the sadness may feel overwhelming if felt continuously. So what happens is that the sadness gets walled off behind a wall of fear which I call the "fear of feeling one's feelings". This may sound familiar to some of you I'm sure. Well this wall also blocks you from feeling all of the other feelings that originate in the heart, including feelings of Love. So it cuts you off from an experience that is supposed to guide you towards your partner and help you solidify your relationship. Without it where are you? Well you are lost, confused, numb, needy, and likely running into individuals who are not right for you. If you'd like to rectify this dilemma you may wish to visit the web link below where I have a special message waiting for you. |
